We are born wide open. There are no blocks to our experience. We see, hear, smell and touch everything with an innocence that has yet to be marred with judgment.
At some point our brains register an event that is incongruent with this open, expanded state. We are shocked, physically, mentally or emotionally. There is a visceral knowing that something is wrong.
The only thing that exists in the being of a baby is the baby. So the conclusion has to be that this something wrong is oneself. There are no other options.
When we are born, we are our own universe.
This something wrong is deeply internalized and the beginnings of a new ecosystem is formed. We then filter every breath, every hearing, touching, smelling through this new system. Carried within the baby is this “something wrong.”
As the child develops, everything that happens is perceived through this filter. Depending on the innate sensitivity of the child, or some believe the soul substance of the child, each experience lands in a very individual way. One shock may cripple one child but not even land as having been felt on another. But we all have our way of being impacted from the moment of conception. We then pull into our worlds the events that match up with our system.
The belief that something is wrong, which formed at a very young age, grows and gathers more data. As this information comes in, it becomes more and more dense and our brains latch onto “this is who I am.” We then actively look for ourselves out in the world.
As we compare ourselves with others, it registers more and more that “something is wrong.” As we look for more proof, we are also desperate for a solution to what we now experience as a problem. We mistakenly believe the solution is out there somewhere.
The harder we look, the more desperately we try to fix what is wrong, the more frustrated we become – because we are searching outside ourselves rather than looking inside.