At the End of the Day, It’s Up to You

Lighthouse at sunsetWe habitually throw our pain, suffering, upsets, frustrations, fear and anxiety out onto the world and demand that life fix what we suffer. We scream, some inwardly, others out, “This should not be!” We believe that if we protest strongly enough, we can convince the world to change. We hope, desperately, that if we can just find a way to make someone understand exactly how awful our situation is, that someone can make it not so awful. It feels as if what is going on will surely cause our death, not quite literally, but almost.

The situations, problems, and reoccurring upsets that keep one awake at night and ruin the day. The ruminations that erupt in road rage or screaming at a loved one, or have one fall into despair. The seemingly unending cycles that have us act out and numb ourselves with whatever substance our biochemistry prefers. Those situations that are a result of some unmet need, deeply and relentlessly gnawing at our insides.

It is we who need to meet ourselves in our darkest hour. Each of us, individually and alone, are the ones to hold the pain, meet the need. It is there, when we meet ourselves in our deepest depths of despair, that relief is found.

No one else can know my rage intimately and without turning away in fear. No one can hold my sadness, my remorse for having caused my loved ones hurt. No one can truly understand what it felt like to live in my family system. Not even my own sister. She has her own understanding that I can never know.

Until and unless I meet my own needs, they will remain unmet. Until and unless I can hold my own anger, without the need to throw it out at someone or something, I will forever be enraged. When I allow myself to feel my true sadness, without falling into the trap of guilt and shame, only then I will experience mercy. Any pain that I reject in myself and expect someone else to hold for me will only grow exponentially.

It is we who cause our deepest suffering, not the world and certainly not life. It takes time, commitment, effort, and a willingness to sit and be with one’s self. It takes courage to look under the rocks and find what lives there, hidden from view.

We hid these hurtful feelings because we believed them to be unacceptable. We thought they made us unacceptable, unworthy, unlovable. That is the lie we have to stop believing.

These emotions, left over from when we could not know any better, only want us to allow them up, accept them for what they are. The hurts of a child, once seen and known for what they are, can become the badges of courage and humility of a conscious adult.

We can know, in our hearts and souls, that we separate ourselves by refusing what is in us. Then, and only then, is being one with life, one with others, one with the greater consciousness, made available to us.

Then we can know, and feel, and experience the most powerful feelings life had to offer without cringing away. Then we can know true joy, bliss and love. Then we can experience all that life has to offer.

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