The defense mechanisms with which we operate today were established in childhood. We actually quite needed them as children. A child, with the emotional and psychological development of a child, could not possible withstand some of the pain inherent in being human. The defense is, truly, life-saving.
As we “grow up” these defenses become established and we begin to recognize ourselves as and through them, rather than as part of us which may or may not serve our highest good. At some point, our higher intelligence may begin to whisper.
We begin to see that one aspect of our lives or another seems to repeat the same negative cycle over and over. Self-responsibility begins to dawn.
It is here that some get stuck. We do not want to be responsible! “It is not my fault, I had a horrible childhood and this is just how I am!”
Guilt comes in to play, just as we begin to know that we are actually responsible for our own lives. Rather than suffer this guilt, or heaven forbid, to do the work to see who we really might be under our defenses, we learn to rationalize our behavior and wind it ever deeper into our nervous system. Self-hatred, fear and anxiety about being found out all wear away the courage that it takes to merely stand in ourselves and be willing to witness ourselves as we really are.
The undefended self is miraculous! We are all, at our core, loving, vulnerable, alive beings, searching to be expressed and connected. It is only the fear of the child, and the demand from the child that life be perfect, that inhibits our true nature.
Feeling the remorse that is natural from realizing a mistake made is a pain that sears through and leaves the heart open. Guilt is a prison from which one can never escape.
Yes, we all make the mistake of identifying with our childhood wounds. Some very brave souls are willing to simply see and relax around this misidentification and begin the process of reclaiming what has always been there, waiting for us to see.